Love and...

Call me a blasphemer or whatever- but I'm really starting to doubt this social institution we call Marriage- why do you have to get married? I mean, to be honest, its just signing a document and saying yep- we are legal recognized as a unit. So why do you have to have a paper to say that? Now, I know that this view is not shared by my partner, but damnit. This is what I think.

On another note- I also get deathly afraid of losing the independence and freedom I have now- it's almost as if people buy into the social construction of marriage and "change" after they get married (ok, I can think of a few cases where this isn't true...but those are far and few between). Previously independent women get married- and fall into the mold of the wife- the stereotypical role, I must add.  And of course, things aren't made easier when all the people around you are getting married............bah- why?

My Bad Habit....

I am decided that my worst habit is that I do not hide the mood I'm in....... I have decided that this is a bad thing to others, not necessarily myself.

Also, on a side note, there is a point at which I get frustrated with adjusting and adjusting and making changes- how far do you bend and mold a person until they break...and I can tell you, in my resistance to breaking- I crack open- I vent my frustrations....and then realize that I'm not getting sympathy....

on the verge...

do you ever have the feeling that you are on the verge of something, but not sure what? I have this odd twitch, itch, twinge that just keeps telling me something is about to happen but I'm clueless as to what....

What a way to start a Phd!!

Well, I'm sitting in the Syracuse airport ready to go home. And I"m ready to go home....

BUT with that said, I have had an amazing time in Syracuse, met some amazing friends- who are as close to me as family- and have met someone amazing- and I've learned many lessons- if you have to convince yourself about something- it's not worth it- PhD is a process, and you have to be patient- you will always have roadblocks to what you want to achieve- how badly you want to achieve something is determined by how hard you want to work to reduce those obstacles. 

Well- those are my thoughts for now- heading on the plane in about 20 minutes- more reflection might come- but really- I am at a good place in life and could't feel any more happy and content with things :)

 

Yes, I am alive--

more than alive- i've been too busy living life (as a human and as a phd student) to update- this is my obligatory "I haven't forgotten about this blog" post :)

Insomniacic* Ramblings

One Question: Are we just prolonging the inevitable collapse of our economic system? Passing the buck to the Next (my) generation? 

Unfortunately, I do believe that we are just prolonging the inevitable depression that will come. There is a need to revolutionize our economy- and politics. Our economy has followed the path of endless accumulation for too long- endless accumulation without real fiscal assets to back it up. We trade in credit and debt. All we need now is China to call us on our debt.

What I would not give to sit in the public gallery when Congress is in session, and harangue our lawmakers for their petty childishness: "STOP BLAMING EACH OTHER- YOU ARE BOTH TO BLAME!!! And then be arrested for not maintaining decorum. At least I would have a clear conscience. And of course, the alternative is to write a letter to my senator/rep- but I know how that will end up- opened by an intern, read, and filed, with a standard return: "The Senator appreciates your letter of concern..." This is OUR democracy, excuse me, Republic- paying lip service to make you FEEL as if your voice/opinion can make a difference or change. But what should I have expected- our Founding Fathers created this political system to prevent the tyranny of the majority- aka the unlanded masses- to favor the (tyranny) of the minority- wealthy, landed gentry. 

So as you can tell- I'm frustrated- the economic situation we are in now has had its symptoms since 1999- what we did not learn is that you cannot base value and worth upon intangible items/goods/consumables/commodities- dot.coms (in that case), credit (today).

Screw this, I'm moving to Canada.

On another note- if he can't be president, can we at least make Ron Paul some kind of economic advisor?? (Yeah, I know its from Fox News, but Ron Paul wasn't really interviewed by too many people) 

And here Ron Paul schools Bernanke- now I can't say I agree with Austrian Economics- well, maybe in Domestic affairs, but it is a system that requires COMPLETE free markets- which, as seen from history, is not possible.

*Yes, I did make up my own word- ha.

Ramadan

Today marks the first day of Ramadan, and I have made the decision to observe- as a way to learn more (through experience (There is only so much you can read from books....)) about Islam and as a sign of solidarity, but also a way to re-center myself spiritually. 

Just in one day's time of fasting - I feel a greater awareness about my conduct in the world and my conduct with others. The whole month of Ramadan is a time of greater reflection and prayer- and certainly- I feel those effects.

When I feel hungry- I begin to think of those who go hungry for days on a normal basis. About the current food crisis we have, the environmental destruction of corporate farming, and the human cost of the same.

When I feel thirsty- I remember those who have to walk miles each day to procure the water they need for their daily meals, or stand in lines to have access to a clean drinking source, or even those who are forced to drink water that is inadequate.

And when I feel the temptation to break the fast- I realize how weak I am, vain, and selfish. That God provides the strength, will, and compassion that I need. I also think about the times I have been too headstrong, stubborn, prideful.... And realize that all that I have is because of God.

Ramadan Kareem !