Do you ever have those days where you wonder what you are doing and how you got to where you are...and you just feel lost and don't know what to do next- yeah, i'm having one of those days. It just makes me wonder what I'm doing and if what I felt like is what I wanted to do all along, really what I want to do?
So yeah, there's always that cliche that life is a journey and sometimes you get lost- but damn, it does not feel good sometimes to be lost- and with no direction to home.
Showing posts with label future. Show all posts
Showing posts with label future. Show all posts
Monday, February 4, 2008
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
19th Nervous Breakdown
Apologies to the Stones, for stealing a song title. So I was in a weird mood last night. I couldn't explain it. I felt like I was on the verge of some kind of anxiety attack. Over what? I have no clue. I seriously felt like I was going crazy. I had called a friend to "talk me down" so to speak. I felt so much better, but damn.
I usually have fairly good introspection- I understand myself, my thoughts, and how I fit into the grand scheme of things, so when I have weird attacks like this, it really unnerves me because I find it inexplicable. I can't ascertain why such feelings come up. Mostly, I think that it is just the conflict I have between everything I need to do right now and everything I want to do in the future. I have a major paper, schoolwork, and graduating from this piece to consider before I even worry about where I am going to get my PhD. But even that, is important. There's the funding, who I would work with, and other million worries and concerns. I am ready for tomorrow, but need to remember to live for today.
So once again, we've delved again into my psyche. I feel secure writing about these things here, because I don't really count on many people actually reading this, and much less, taking the time to comment. And really, all of this is so stupid and inconsequential when really taken into the grad scheme of things in the world. What are my worries about school and my future, when compared to the daily struggle of a mother to feed her children, or the fear to step out of your home because of the threat that you could not come back home. So the final thought, is that I feel blessed that these are my worries. I am glad for these worries. I embrace them.
I usually have fairly good introspection- I understand myself, my thoughts, and how I fit into the grand scheme of things, so when I have weird attacks like this, it really unnerves me because I find it inexplicable. I can't ascertain why such feelings come up. Mostly, I think that it is just the conflict I have between everything I need to do right now and everything I want to do in the future. I have a major paper, schoolwork, and graduating from this piece to consider before I even worry about where I am going to get my PhD. But even that, is important. There's the funding, who I would work with, and other million worries and concerns. I am ready for tomorrow, but need to remember to live for today.
So once again, we've delved again into my psyche. I feel secure writing about these things here, because I don't really count on many people actually reading this, and much less, taking the time to comment. And really, all of this is so stupid and inconsequential when really taken into the grad scheme of things in the world. What are my worries about school and my future, when compared to the daily struggle of a mother to feed her children, or the fear to step out of your home because of the threat that you could not come back home. So the final thought, is that I feel blessed that these are my worries. I am glad for these worries. I embrace them.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)