There are many things that I'm mulling over tonight (after watching a VERY weird movie- don't see Perfume unless you are into really weird movies). So it's hard to know where to start or where to go from this sentence.
Blacksburg actually is turning out to not be that bad. I am somewhat bored, but really, that is when I have had time to think and am not running around doing work for the CT or trying to find a second summer job. I've been able to talk more at ease with people and catch up with people I had been acquainted with and had always wanted to get to know better. I want to plan all these things, and then I realize I'll be leaving to go home in a few days and when I get back it'll be June- and then only two months before I move to Syracuse. I have a feeling that time is going to fly.
Another thing that I have been contemplating is at what point do you become a passive obeserver of a friend's dispassionate surrender and acceptance of fate- a fate that deep down you know they could tempt and change, but they have no courage to stand on their own two feet- literally and figuratively. (and courage, I mean in the loosely defined sense- not just a "standing up for yourself" but entailing many things to bearing a burden to acknowledging and accepting the task you take upon yourself). There is only so many encouraging words to say, and in the end, you become frustrated and angry- for caring too much and perhaps loving too much as well. On one hand you care and want what is best for your loved ones- but at the same time you realize that at some point there is going to be the moment of truth- loaded with expectations- and there is really nothing else you can do but become an observer.
Perhaps on one hand, I believe deep down inside that this "moment of truth" can become a turning point- the decision to take it upon yourself to make a change. The start for making all the necessary changes and decision to proceed forward and "right the ship" so to speak. But that is a lofty expectation- if that has not been the case in the past. I expect something that is not going to happen- that there is going to be this grand epiphany where everyone involved is going to back away, give space, and allow for the more important decisions and tasks to be accomplished- will be done. But if you have lived your whole life not being clear about what you need to do or about your doubts and fears, or clear in your communications- that is not going to change overnight and that epiphany will not happen. And it may never change. That is the other side of the coin of a "moment of truth"- surrender, acceptance, defeat.
It is frustrating to see this kind of thing happen in front of you and not being able to do anything about it.
On a side note, I want to go to Bonnaroo- but its 200+ dollars :( BUT i would get the concert-goingness out of me. They have an amazing lineup: http://www.bonnaroo.com/artists.aspx.
We shall see- 4 days of concerts would be pretty kick ass.
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