Happy New Year!!

So ends 2007...it's been quite a year:

*finished my first year at Virginia Tech
*Went to India for three months
*Applied for PhD programs
*Started my thesis
*Traveled up and down the East Coast visiting friends
*New friends made, old ones kept
*Started the year in San Diego, and ending it in Dallas

There's been a lot more, but I can't really think of it right now :op

And I've never been one for making resolutions, but here are some things I would like to do in 2008:

1. Listen better- whether it is just to advice from friends or just keeping track of a conversation (I tend to let my mind wander)
2. Be more patient- try to make a better effort at understanding others and not letting the little things bother me.
3. Be Proactive on my Thesis- get 'er done.
4. Start looking for internships/jobs= because I have to do something during the summer.
5. Be better with my finances- start saving more.
6. And of course- not taking life too seriously (we all die anyways)

Insomnia

What is a good cure for that....because alcohol doesn't seem to be helping.

Benazir Bhutto 1953-2007

A brave women, who despite knowing what danger she was placing herself in, returned in the belief she would help build a better Pakistan.

Merry Christmas!

In those days a decree went out from Caesar Augustus that all the world should be enrolled. This was the first enrollment, when Quirin'i-us was governor of Syria. And all went to be enrolled, each to his own city. And Joseph also went up from Galilee, from the city of Nazareth, to Judea, to the city of David, which is called Bethlehem, because he was of the house and lineage of David, to be enrolled with Mary, his betrothed, who was with child. And while they were there, the time came for her to be delivered. And she gave birth to her first-born son and wrapped him in swaddling cloths, and laid him in a manger, because there was no place for them in the inn.

And in that region there were shepherds out in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. And an angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were filled with fear. And the angel said to them, "Be not afraid; for behold, I bring you good news of a great joy which will come to all the people; for to you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord. And this will be a sign for you: you will find a babe wrapped in swaddling cloths and lying in a manger." And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God and saying, "Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace among men with whom he is pleased!" When the angels went away from them into heaven, the shepherds said to one another, "Let us go over to Bethlehem and see this thing that has happened, which the Lord has made known to us."

And they went with haste, and found Mary and Joseph, and the babe lying in a manger. And when they saw it they made known the saying which had been told them concerning this child; and all who heard it wondered at what the shepherds told them. But Mary kept all these things, pondering them in her heart. And the shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all they had heard and seen, as it had been told them.

*Mark 2: 1-20*

I also feel great hope whenever I read this passage. It reminds me that there is good in the world, hope, and love. It also, to me, is a reminder of what it means to be a Christian. In his life, Christ reached out to the downtrodden, appearing first to lowly shepherds, taking on fishermen as disciples, and healing lepers. He kept company with the more unsavory elements of society: tax collectors, harlots, and collaborators with the Romans. I suppose if Jesus were here today, that would be a gay man, a single mother, and a drug addict. Jesus was a radical- he shook up the way society thought about G-- and the individuals relationship with H--. And his basic message was love. A point that sadly, I feel, is lost on many Christians today.

And the point too, is to not just keep this spirit and message only around the holidays, but all year long. And Christ's message is not one that is limited to Christianity; it has resonance for all faiths and religions worldwide- do unto others as you would have them do unto you; Love thy neighbor and enemy as you would love yourself; No greater love hath man than to lay down his life for a friend- all were preached by Christ, and all, have been echoed in other religions, preceding and following Christianity.

So with much love, faith, and hope, I wish all of you a Merry Christmas :)

Baby Boomers Owe Us an Apology??

So I read this article recently. It was intersting, and I have to say that most of it, I found, to be a bit too conservative. However, there was one paragraph that stuck out, and it has pretty much been bothering me since:

"And, young women, we apologize especially to you. Many of us baby boomers bought into the feminist idea that getting married and making a family with a man were far less fulfilling than career success and that marriage itself is "sexist" and "patriarchal." So, to those of you women who have career success and didn't get married, we sincerely apologize. Turns out that most careers aren't as fulfilling as we promised."

Now most of you are probably thinking I take offense at this statement. Au contraire! Quite the opposite! I believe this sums up a fear I have, even more so now, as I attempt to take on getting into a PhD program.

Just some food for thought...chew on that for a bit.

If it weren't for A-'s...

...i'd have a freakin' 4.0.

oh well....finished out the semester out well enough- on to the next (and the dreaded dum dum dum Thesis/Major Paper!) AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

Good to be Home

So after a two hour delay in Chicago, I made it to Austin...only to find that one of my bags didn't even make it on the plane (how one made it, and the other didn't ...is beyond me) So it was supposed to be delivered by 4 pm today, but that didn't happen- apparently they got the address wrong, and after two calls, they still did not have it right. So anywho...still waiting for the luggage. Wouldn't be my life if it weren't interesting.

Events that happened just within one hour of waking up:

*discussions of my dad's nursing home (bottom of the ocean, or a back alley)
*full out dart gun battle between my dad and brother
*the dog getting in on the action
*being woken up by said dart guns and dog.
*being shunned and then unshunned
*dad dances to Shakira

And that's without mom and sister in the mix. It will be some kind of break...

....and i still do have work to do :op Oh well...i'll enjoy it for now :)

Another posting

So I finally updated a post from October 31st...that just got posted today...and it says that it was posted on October 31st, so I just thought I would follow up with a post now....to make my blog "up to date."

I am ready to go home. Now. I want to see my dog, mom, and dad. But I have this bad feeling I'll go home and feel out of place. Sure, I have lots of people I know in Austin, but somehow, I don't feel like there is enough time to see all of them. I also want to go to DFW during the break, and hopefully be there for New Years :)

Right now, I'm starting to realize how difficult it is to go a day without talking to your best friend :( I always feel so sad that I really don't realize what I am missing until it's not there.

And on another note, as always, I'm writing in my blog, rather than working on schoolwork. My goal is to finish a paper for Dr. Toal, that way I can work on my damn survey project all day tomorrow. Hmm...what else.....oh and I finished PhD applications- I just need to call schools now and check up on my applications and make sure they are up to date. Woo!

Alright, back to work.

Lyrics for now: Brandi Carlile "Throw it All Away"

When you're near me I have no fear
When I'm untrue you see right through me
You know me as deep as the sea goes
Calm my head whenever the storm blows

When the stars, and the moon
And the sky, fall through

I'd throw them all away when I'm hollow
Deep as the sea goes, all I know is
I would throw it all away...away

In my restless hour I'm holding
The words you say that lay my soul to sleep
I dream of buildings that burn
The sky turns black I toss and turn

When the stars, and the moon
And the sky, fall through

I'd throw them all away when I'm hollow
Deep as the sea goes, all I know is
I would throw it all away...away

This love branches out like an oak tree
Reach for the sky and roots to the sea
So when you're shaken down and broken
Find some peace of mind in knowing

I'd throw them all away when I'm hollow
Deep as the sea goes, all I know is
I would throw it all away...away

Love is....

Every so often, there is a small one frame cartoon that appears in the newspaper that has cherub-like naked characters, entitled "Love is..." and each day, there will be something like "Love is...choosing each other." What are the different types of love?

And of course in Catholic Sunday School, there is always the discussion of the different types of love agape, unconditional, I-would-die-for-you-no-questions-asked love or phileo- brotherly/sisterly/comradeship love...and then there was romantic love- get-married-have-kids-grow-old-together love. Funny how when you get older, these lines become blurred. I still believe that you can love people in different ways, but its not as clear cut as in Sunday school. Love is a complicated, all-consuming entity- it is not just a feeling or a flight of fancy. It is a bird that comes to make a nest in your heart.

The one thing that I did learn though, in Sunday school, and its not something that just is Christian, its universal, is that "Love is patient, love is kind, love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way, it is not irritable or resentful, it does not rejoice in wrongdoing but rejoices in truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends." 1Corinthians 4-8. The love of our friends gets us up out of bed each day, even when every inch of us screams to not get up and start the day. Love is something that we cannot live without...

I think the favorite cartoon of mine I saw was "Love is...leaping into the unknown." And it is. You don't know what you will give, get, or lose in the process of falling in love and loving the other person. If I have learned anything, while you may sometimes get hurt, showing and exhibiting love to others is perhaps one of the most rewarding things in life- yet can also be one of the most vulnerable, exposing, soul-baring moments. I guess one of my fears in life is to one day turn around and realize that overnight, someone who loved me, no longer loves me- only because giving your love to another person is investing so much emotion and your own life into that person, whether they are a friend, sibling, family member, or significant other.

Now here is my attempt at a "Love is..." feel free to add your own in the comments section :)

"Love is...realizing that your life has been made better for knowing another person."

Song of the Random Day I decide that I'm Going to have a Song for the Day

Mae definently is one of my favorite bands, and this song, is just amazing....as are the lyrics :)

Home
by Mae

I've been sneaking out your back door
since I can't remember when
and thinking about the world I didn't know
and how I wanted in
but now I find I'm in the thick of it
and feeling so alone
I'd take the chance
just one more chance to get me anywhere
It's like I'm running down every road but home

I know I'm running and I'm moving too fast
so here we go, oh
and where I'm heading to it's nobody's guess
so here we go, oh
so here we go, oh

I saw the map like any other would
looking to find and follow lines
that led me to question
but I can see it in the symmetry
it's what was really always meant to be
this singularity is clear from a distance
so I'm dying here to fall in love with home

I know I'm running and I'm moving too fast
so here we go, oh
and where I'm heading to it's nobody's guess
so here we go, oh
so here we go, oh

Staring into mirrors
lost in my design
believe in dreams and wait for signs
you will always find me when I run away
so I will not slow down until I make it back into your arms this time, oh

I know I'm running and I'm moving too fast
so here we go, oh
and where I'm heading to it's nobody's guess
so here we go, oh

I know I'm running and I'm moving too fast
so here we go, oh
and where you're headed to you don't have to guess
so here we go, oh

I'm headed home, oh
I'm headed home, oh

This Post Has Been Rated for Adult Content

I've never been one to be Afraid of the future, but I have, certainly, had my doubts and anxieties about what it holds. Of all things to cross my mind, besides the overall question of where I will be come May of 2008 and whether or not I will be going for a PhD or scrounging to find a job, was just when did childhood, teenage-dom, and the early twenties give way to real life? When did we or will we grow up? There are times, given the things I have had to deal with in my life, that I feel much older (not in the ugh i'm old sense)/wiser than my 23 years of age...and then there are other times that I just feel as if I have been left behind, and those I went to high school or college with me, are leaving me behind- getting jobs, married, and even kids! The thought of even being a mother in 7 years has me a little apprehensive. I do wonder how my parents were able to do it. My dad confided to my sister and I once that it made no difference, whether it was me, my brother, or my sister, and then my other brother, he felt completely lost and inadequate for the task of raising a kid (and this was when he was 28, 30, 33, and 37, respectively). I never asked my mom about this. She seems to just take things in stride. But....bah...enough about kids. That's a long way in the future.

I know that for me to ultimately do what I want to do, I need to get a PhD, but, on the other hand, I have this overwhelming feeling that I am going no where while I sit in a classroom and do assignement only meant to keep me busy until the final term paper due at the end of the semester. At least, some of my very close friends are still in grad school, so that makes it a little bit easier to deal with the fact that I'm slogging in grad school, but at the same time, come this May, more of my close friends graduate and go into the real world. There are times I just think enough is enough, no PhD, get a job. And then hate said job. And wonder, why I didnt get a PhD. It's a vicious cycle!

So overall, this random rambling and general pondering comes to this: we all develop and grow at different rates. Now some of you may be thinking "No Duh Bernie...really????" But sometimes you have to state the obvious. Certainly, it puts some things in perspective when your friends from high school are married and having kids, but it is also a perspective that makes you realize where you are at in your own life- marriage and children really don't fit into the life plan right now. Eventually, they will, just not now.

But how fast time goes by just floors me...it just seems to get faster each year. Yesterday, I was driving a van up to Virginia Tech, moving out of the state of Texas for the first time in 18 years. Before that, I was sitting on the back porch of the Chicken drinkin' Shiner and playing 42, and before that, I was a wide-eyed freshman at A&M, meeting the girls of Davis-Gary...and before that high school shenanigans and IB (the death of any social life for a high schooler), and before that, playing with My Little Ponies and GI Joes with my brother (with the GI Joes riding the Ponies into battle).

And funny, as I finish this post, on my Itunes, "Long Time Gone" by the Dixie Chicks is playing...how apt....

"I caught wind and hit the road runnin
And lord, Ive been a long time gone

Been a long time gone
Lord, I aint had a prayer since I dont know when
Long time gone
And it aint comin back again"

World's Laziest Blogger

That should be my award.

Lesson Learned:

Just because you make an effort to understand another person, culture, or way of life, does not mean same people will make an effort to understand yours.

The Psychology of Happiness

http://www.ted.com/index.php/talks/view/id/97

Perhaps, this is why our generation is so confused and conflicted! We have too many choices and wondering, once the decision is made, if we made the right one or not. Interestingly too, we may not make the best decision if we deliberate on and o. I'm currently reading "Blink" and its proving to be a very interesting read. Essentially, the more information or more choices that we have...the more likely we are to make a decision that is not in our best interest...or will make us unhappy.

NEW YORK...er...New Jersey...or my spontaneous moment of the week

So...what happens when someone plants an idea in my head, and I can't get it out? Ask Bala about that one.

I'm minding my business, watching the Aggies (you know, this weekend had made me forget about that game...) and being fairly disappointed, AND, at the same time, writing a horrid paper for Dr. Toal's class, when I get a message from Bala.

The conversation went roughly like this:
Bala: Dude, come to NYC.
Me: ...I'm intrigued....but why don't you guys come here??
Bala: (something New York being cooler...whatever, blah blah blah) So yeah, you should come here.
Me: Let's see..........(5 minute pause while I check kayak) ok...I'm coming.
Bala: Ok.......wait....what? You just booked tickets..
Me: Yes.
Bala: And you are going to be here tomorrow.
Me: Yes.
Bala: Spaced out.

I proceeded to call Subash and Heather and let them know, and they were surprised, but I think, at the same time, a bit expectant that I would do something this spontaneous and impulsive.

Friday was a bit of a whirlwind, between classes, packing, catching the bus to the airport, and landing in NYC. Luckily, the flight to NY didn't take as long as it seemed; someone else I knew from Virginia Tech was also going to New York for the weekend, so she and I sat near each other and talked (the flight was pretty damn near empty).

Well, I land in LaGuardia, and I call Subash to let him know that I landed....and no answer...hrm....I think...well..I proceed to baggage claim, and lo and behold there is Mr. Subash Srinivasan. So we grab the luggage and through a series of busses and trains, get to Times Square! Subash works for Ernst and Young, and the office is right off of Times Square, so as you can see from the picture...the view is amazing.

From there, we went and met Bala in the village and started a long night of imbibing and debauchery, well into the morning. There are still some moments from that night that are coming back to me....I do remember now saying some not so nice things to the cabby in Hindi...because he was trying to get more money out of us for some reason. Whatever.

The next day, went and had some good South Indian food at Dosa Hut, but it was a shame that I could not enjoy it more- I was a bit blegh in the stomach...but that is expected after the night we had. The afternoon consisted of just random things and then going to Bala's. Bala cooked some excellent sambar, and from his place, he and I went to a couple of parties in Manhattan. The first one was kind of lame (no lie) and so we were only there for about an hour, and proceeded to a party at a lounge. This was a kickass party! It was right off Times Square on a rooftop terrace. We stayed out pretty late and then went back to Jersey. By this point, I was starting to become nocturnal.

Sunday mostly consisted of random errands and events (a cookout- with excellent food :) ) and getting ready for the work week (well...that wasn't me...because we all know how I work...). Later that evening, I took a train up to Upper Manhattan, and met with Heather and Nathan!! It was great to see them and spend time with them. On Monday, I met Bala for lunch...went to Central Park to read, and then hung out with Heather and Nathan around Columbia. Columbia was having some intersting things going on that day, as the Iranian president was there to give a speech. So naturally, there were a lot of cameras, protestors, and the crazies. I got interviewed by some journalism students doing a project. I'm a star now. Look for me on CNN someday.

So this morning, I caught a taxi and booked it to LGA. And when I got back, I just crashed for three hours. It was glorious. So now, I'm trying to get some schoolwork done. I'm amazed at the amount of work I didn't do this week....and the suprising amount of time it has taken me to get some of it done. I guess when I am under stress I just focus more....so yeah...and in three days, I'm leaving to go to Purdue!

Overall, it was an amazing weekend.....great to see old friends again, who made this such an amazing weekend! :)

Live on Your Knees, or Die on Your Feet

Or...a treatise on not living your life scared.

How many famous quote are there about courage and fear? "You have nothing to fear but fear itself..." "Courage is being scared to death but saddling up anyways..." "I'd rather die on my feet, than live on my knees..."

Having courage isn't just about being the hero, or standing up against immeasurable odds; it's about courage in daily life too. Courage is about standing up and giving a presentation in a language you haven't even spent a year studying, in a country you've only been in for a few months. Courage can be putting on a brave face, being support to your worried family, but being so afraid of the worse on the inside, that the only thing you want to do is run to the restroom and be sick. Courage is knowing what is right for your life, and not giving a fuck what other people think, because really, who are they to tell you how to live your life.

Courage is NOT knowing what to do all the time, but it is not succumbing to indecision and letting what others say dictate the direction you should take. Courage is NOT making a decision or taking an action unwaveringly. Sometimes, that results in reckless and wanton behavior; it takes courage to realize that maybe you are wrong, or need to reconsider- no one likes to admit that maybe they were wrong.

Fear is crippling. During those times of greatest fears, I have always found my friends and family to be of the greatest support, but when you really get down to it, the courage has to come from you. Your family will not always be there, and they certainly aren't always fully supportive (sometimes, they can even add stress), and your friends will move away. Ultimately, you have only yourself to be answerable to and for. Make waves. The revolution will not come, you have to BE the revolution.

Because of our fear of the opinions of others, we cripple our abilities and happiness in this life. After all, those who mind don't matter, and those that matter don't mind. Courage happens in the smallest events in everyday life. We have gotten it in our heads that courage is only grand heroic schemes or going above the call of duty. It is needed everyday, because let's face it, without it, you live a scared life. Because, on one hand, you can live the pleasant life that society wants you, or you can live the life that makes changes, seeks to remedy the ills you see in the world, and fight the good fight, and I can tell you, it's a daily fight. And an uphill one at that.

The Pursuit of Knowledge, or the Varied Political Games We Play in Academia

Let's get real. As much as we who are involved with academia want to believe that there is a free-flow of thought and ideas in academia, we are kidding ourselves. It is not about reaching out and increasing the knowledge base for society as a whole, it is about competition. Who can come up with the "hot" new theory, and who will be the first to jump on that trend. Who can publish the most in the top most journals and win prestigious awards. Making contributions for the betterment of the world, and as a citizen of the world, has taken a back seat to personal glory and prestige. Chuck Palahniuk summed it up best (using an analogy with music): "This isn't about music, it's about winning. You stomp the competition with the bass line. You rattle windows. You drop the melody line and shout the lyrics. You put the foul language and come down hard on each cussword. You dominate. This is really about power."

And yes, that is essentially what it comes down to: the ability to control the direction of academic thought, legitimize certain areas of thought, and "other" those that are not mainstream or subscribe to alternate theories, despite sound evidence and data. And it isn't just that- it's also about WHO and WHERE. Want to go and study under a professor with your interests, at a "lesser" school- forget about getting a good job after your PhD. A pecking order exsists- if you are are an Ivy League, you are set. If you are a school with a alternate, interdisciplinary program- forget it.

What really made me think, and become frustrated with this aspect of academia, is my current search for that elusive fit of a PhD program. My professor told me frankly- I may want to forget a program in Germany or India if I want to get a job in the U.S.- there is a pecking order and I would be fighting an uphill battle, because let's face it- it's also about the funding. I could be a poor scholar my whole life.....or go to a more "mainstream" program, that isn't making innovation or new contributions, but rather, reaffirming knowledge that is taken for granted and not challenged or expanded upon.

Well, I better suck it up. Because wherever you end up with a career in life, there are going to be politics.....


Song for the Day: "F.C.P.R.E.M.I.X" by The Fall of Troy
Slow down this is slippin' through my mind,
this conversation has run out of time.
Honey I know you know what I mean,
and that's the one thing that you soon will find.
I know that you really wanna go,
my mind is runnin' outta gas just relax,
and recap, and relapse.

In a Phrase to Cut These Lips

I've had "Wake Up" by Coheed and Cambria stuck in my head; here are the lyrics:

I'm going to ride this plane out of your life again.
I wish that I could stay but you argue.
More than this I wish you could've seen my face
In backseat staring out the window.

I'll do anything for you,
Kill anyone for you.

So leave yourself intact
'Cause I will be coming back.
In a phrase to cut these lips,
I love you.

The morning will come
In the press of every kiss
With your head upon my chest
Where I will annoy you
With every waking breath
Until you decide to wake up.

I've earned through hope and faith
The curves around your face
That I'm the one you'll hold forever.
If morning never comes for either one of us,
Then this I pray to you wherever.

I'll do anything for you.
This story is for you.
('Cause I'd do anything you want me to... for you.)
I'll do anything for you,
Kill anyone for you.

So leave yourself intact
'Cause I won't be coming back.
In a phrase to cut these lips,
I loved you.

The morning will come
In the press of every kiss
With your head upon my chest
Where I will annoy you
With every waking breath
Until you decide to wake up.

The morning will come
In the press of every kiss
With your head upon my chest
Where I will annoy you
With every waking breath
'Til you decide to wake up.

19th Nervous Breakdown

Apologies to the Stones, for stealing a song title. So I was in a weird mood last night. I couldn't explain it. I felt like I was on the verge of some kind of anxiety attack. Over what? I have no clue. I seriously felt like I was going crazy. I had called a friend to "talk me down" so to speak. I felt so much better, but damn.

I usually have fairly good introspection- I understand myself, my thoughts, and how I fit into the grand scheme of things, so when I have weird attacks like this, it really unnerves me because I find it inexplicable. I can't ascertain why such feelings come up. Mostly, I think that it is just the conflict I have between everything I need to do right now and everything I want to do in the future. I have a major paper, schoolwork, and graduating from this piece to consider before I even worry about where I am going to get my PhD. But even that, is important. There's the funding, who I would work with, and other million worries and concerns. I am ready for tomorrow, but need to remember to live for today.

So once again, we've delved again into my psyche. I feel secure writing about these things here, because I don't really count on many people actually reading this, and much less, taking the time to comment. And really, all of this is so stupid and inconsequential when really taken into the grad scheme of things in the world. What are my worries about school and my future, when compared to the daily struggle of a mother to feed her children, or the fear to step out of your home because of the threat that you could not come back home. So the final thought, is that I feel blessed that these are my worries. I am glad for these worries. I embrace them.

Please Don't Throw Me in the Looney Bin!

Ok...this isn't a "OMG I CAN"T CONCENTRATE ON SCHOOL WORK" post... this is more of a..wow, I don't know what is going on right now post. I think I just have so much going on between classes and applying for PhD programs and all these other things, that I hardly have control over the smaller things in life.

For example, I am a people person. I love talking to people, finding out what makes them tick, and making connections, and for some odd reason, my mind cannot be still enough for one second for me to concentrate fully on that person. I usually can, but I find myself unable to focus, and even if I do focus, I find that half of what was said I missed. This is really starting to worry me. And if it isn't that, then its thoughts I have when I'm idle that boil down to "screw this whole school thing...let me go start a nudist colony"

...ok...maybe not quite like that, but seriously....I get these random thoughts that make no sense. School is making me lose my mind.


I suppose it's because I just have too much to think of and not enough time to think on it....but enough time to post in a blog?? (Ok, legitimate excuse with this.....this is cathartic and helps me deal with this stuff...ok? ok.)

Within the Sounds of Postmodernism

So I'm walking across campus today....and what do I think of. Postmodernism. Weird. Right? Yeah. Well what got me thinking about it was Simon and Garfunkels' Sound of Silence. For you, oh gentle reader, not familiar with this, here is a good overview of it from Wikipedia.

Hello darkness, my old friend,
Ive come to talk with you again,
Because a vision softly creeping,
Left its seeds while I was sleeping,
And the vision that was planted in my brain
Still remains
Within the sound of silence.

At the crux of postmodernism is the idea that the stresses of modernism have caused us to find ways to cope with everyday life. And we are inundated with choices. Maybe this is why more people are on medications for anxiety and depression. Now, while Postmodernism is said to have arisen as a reaction to World War II, I feel that it is actually a reaction to globalization. We seek individual identity and worth in the face of homogenizing forces beyond our control, yet we seek to connect with those around us, despite skepticism about others. We are in essence, confused. Our only solace, is the recess of our minds, where even then, we don't always find silence...

In restless dreams I walked alone
Narrow streets of cobblestone,
neath the halo of a street lamp,
I turned my collar to the cold and damp
When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of
A neon light
That split the night
And touched the sound of silence.

We are conflicted with ourselves. We have so many choices and opportunities. Yet, they seem to distract from the larger picture of things. Postmodernists, that come from a Marxist perspective, would argue that capitalism has created a consumer culture, in which we think only of ourselves and of inane things, such as the latest shoes on sale.

And in the naked light I saw
Ten thousand people, maybe more.
People talking without speaking,
People hearing without listening,
People writing songs that voices never share
And no one dared
Disturb the sound of silence.

Silence allows for reflection, but it also is the lack of communication and dialogue between individuals and society. Not only are we a dying society, in the sense that even "noble" non-profit organizations are now professionalized and lose track of those they are to serve, but even in the sense that we don't even speak to our neighbors, across the world, and even just living on the other side of the wall from us. And those that try to reach out to our neighbors, meet only frustration.....

Fools said i,you do not know
Silence like a cancer grows.
Hear my words that I might teach you,
Take my arms that I might reach you.
But my words like silent raindrops fell,
And echoed
In the wells of silence

The failure to connect- we are becoming the generation of computers and the internet. Human contact is replaced with the tip-tap of keys and the harsh glare (or soft glare if you have the latest technology) of a computer screen. I highly suggest reading Robert Putnam's Bowling Alone- it is very insightful about the dropoff of associational life in the United States and in the West. Our engagement in society has dropped off. Society and communities die from an apathy, born of the conditions of modernism. We create false idols- consumerism, money, wealth, greed, and power. And those that note these aflictions in society are cast off as societal lepers- label them communists, liberals, hippies. Anything, to devalue their observations and maintain the "norms" of society.

And the people bowed and prayed
To the neon God they made.
And the sign flashed out its warning,
In the words that it was forming.
And the signs said, the words of the prophets
Are written on the subway walls
And tenement halls.
And whispered in the sounds of silence.

So yeah....

So.....a lot of stuff has happened since the last post...so let me summarize...

India......learning Hindi.......Chennai........Texas....Blacksburg.

Ok, now you are up to date.

And now for the future

PhD.....German........hell of a lot of classes.........weekend escapes from Blacksburg.......saving the world.

The End.

And let it be known that the only reason I updated was because I was feeling lazy....for not doing so. and wanted to not do schoolwork.

Week One Update

Howdy faithful readers....

Where we last left off, I arrived in India. And since then, I haven't updated. It's not that I haven't wanted to (believe me! I have!) it's more that I have been so busy and have not had the best of access to the internet. But that is life, and we deal with it. I started this week off in Rishikiesh and Haridwar. I ALMOST took a plunge into the Ganga...but I don't think my professors would have appreciated that much, so I stuck with a polite splash on the arms and legs. I took some wonderful pictures of the mountains in Rishikesh, and there is one in particular that I like. There was a storm moving in, and on one side is light and the other is dark. I'll try to upload that one sometime (the challenge is that it is on my computer, which I am not currently using.

Oh! and I was also on t.v. I was interviewed about teh Nizamuddin (a Sufi Shrine) and a bit about Indian history. I think I impressed them....at least my professor told me I did. It's supposed to be airing in CSPAN in a month- so do watch CSPAN for my television debut ;o)

The one frustrating thing, now, is that because I have waited so long to update, I feel that there is so much to say and not enough time to say it in. I really have been kept busy- if it isn't class or excursions, it's meeting up with old and new (well, new, but they feel like old friends :)) friends. I should have more time once we leave Delhi (I know people here!) Monday, we leave for Aligarh, and while there, I'll be living with a family. After that, to Agra, and if things settle down in Jaipur, then there. No plans yet as to what we will be doing if things don't get better in Jaipur...(I would cast my vote for going to Mumbai, but that's just me).

Alright, I better get going. stay tuned for more updates (hopefully more frequent ones at that...).

-b

I'm in INDIA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hi guys!

Here is the obligatory "I got here" post. I'll try to update later with how the flight was and about Frankfurt. All in all, it wasn't too bad (as far as flying goes...)

bernie

(oh, and I will post a little later with a "backlogged" post- I handwrote it in the Frankfurt airport).

India!

Howdy all!

Oh faithful readers of this blog (yes, all 3-5 of you, plus any new additions), I shall be taking this in a new direction for the next three months. Instead of random musings and random thoughts that happen to wrench their way into my mind and prod me to the point of compulsion to write them down....I shall try to be more consistent and chronicle my summer in India. Should be fun, should be interesting, and always, feel free to leave comments :) Links to pictures will also be posted! So stay tuned for those. And as always, thank you for the love and support!

bernie

Wow...

Ashley sent me this interesting link....makes me glad that thoughts about the abilities and choices of women have come so far...but it's also a bit disturbing to me that this is the way that some people still perceive women and their role.

wow.....

General Update- Because it seems to be about that time...

Well, I haven't written in a while, so I felt it was time for a general update. Grad life continues on; piles of school work and papers, with no end in sight. Actually, part of the problem is that I have ADD and can't sit down and do my work..or if I do, I am doing the homework for two classes simultaneously (don't ask me how I do that one...). But, the time passes quickly. I've been busy also getting ready to go to India this summer. I can't wait!!!!

On the bright side, the month of April has started! My favorite month of the year! and Blacksburg is finally bright, sunny, and warm. No more Bleaksburg. The flowers are out in bloom, and campus is just beautiful....AND, you really get to see it when you have to walk way out of your way to avoid the whole section of campus that is cordoned off because of a bomb threat. Some jackass probably didn't want to take a test....

Actually, that was a nice break from life; Ashley met me and we just walked around Duck Pond, and took pictures of ducks. Ducks are funny. Especially those weird looking ones.

Hmm...what else....I'll be back in the GREAT state of TEXAS on May 13th and will be there until August 21st. Leave for India, will be back August 17th, and then back off to Virginia to hopefully finish off my last year at grad school (please Lord, I just want to finish my thesis by May!)

hmmm...what else........what else......can't think of much else...I should really get back to studying.

Enjoy the spring!!

What the World Needs Now is Love, Sweet Love

I have been ruminating over this the past few days, but I think the two things I dislike more than anything else in this world is hate and ignorance. I would have to give a lot of credit to Dave for his insights and numerous discussions we have had on this topic.

I don't even mean hate in the visceral sense; I mean it in the "I don't know what that is but I don't like it sense." It is a hate that is influenced by ignorance and an inability to want to change or become more knowledgeable. I think when you are young, especially, these are two conceptions that are so dangerous to hold on to. Youth are a driving force, but alone, we cannot accomplish everything. Our voices are not taken seriously and dismissed by those that are older and "more experienced."

I do believe, as well, that age is not an excuse for changing these outlooks and refuting the evils of ignorance and hate. It is, rather, a refusal to see things differently and take into consideration other perspectives- ignorance. Yes, it is difficult to change and shift your whole paradigm after years of believing one thing, but it is also not unheard of.

I felt compelled to write about this because I just thought of how these two forces have served to only create divisions among ourselves; divisions that prevent us from seeing our similarities and focus on our differences. It has started wars, lead to discrimination, and various other situations in which divisions and walls are built between individuals or groups of people.

Ok, rant over. Thinking about this topic makes my heart feel heavy... and so sad that there are people out there that perpetuate hate and ignorance.

An oldie, but a goodie, from my favorite, the Economist.

God

Dec 23rd 1999
From The Economist print edition

After a lengthy career, the Almighty recently passed into history. Or did he?

WHEN your friends start looking for proofs of your existence, you’re heading for trouble. That was God’s situation as the millennium got into its stride.

Few ordinary folk, though they had different names for him, doubted the reality of God. He was up there somewhere (up, not down; in his long career, no one ever located him on the seabed), always had been, always would be. Yet not quite so far up, in the churches and monasteries of Europe, many of its cleverest men would soon be racking their brains for ways of proving it.

Anselm, for instance, and others centuries later, such as Descartes, reckoned if you could think of God, then there must be a God to think of. Thomas Aquinas saw everything in motion, so there must be someone to give the first push. Others felt that a universe so elegantly designed as ours plainly must have a designer. And so on, and ingeniously on.

Yet why bother with proof, if everyone knew it anyway? One, because great brains are like that; two, because not everyone did. Out there were the gentiles, Saracens and such. But did not they too say, “There is no God but God”? Yes, but they didn’t mean what good Christians meant. They must be taught better. And there God’s troubles began.

They were largely his own fault. Like many great personalities, he had countless admirers who detested each other—and he let them do so. For one of infinite knowledge, he was strangely careless how he spread what bits of it to whom. To some he dictated the Bible; to Muhammad the Koran. He was much concerned with the diet of Jews. He let Hindus paint him as what, to others, looked like a blue-faced flute-player with an interest in dairy-farming. Each set of believers had its version of what he was like and what he had said. No wonder cynics began to hint that, if believers differed so widely, belief might be a mistake.

The believers then made things worse. For soon it was not sets but sub-sets. Christians nationalised God, as Jews had long since, like some coal mine. He’s on our side, the English told the French. No, ours, Joan of Arc hit back. Next, the Reformers privatised him: unser Gott, fine, yet not the king’s or the church’s, but each man’s own. From this umpteen versions of what “he” might amount to, or think, were apt to spring, and did. Close kin could disagree. As late as 1829, a bishop warned Britain’s House of Lords of divine retribution if it granted civic rights to Jews; happily, their lordships, aware that stupidity thrived in God’s house as in their own, took the risk. In the 1840s American Methodism split, north against south, arguing whether his word condemned slavery or justified it.

Nor did the rivals seem even to believe their own versions. The Christians turned not cheeks but swords against Muslims, Jews and each other. Muslims, while averring that “in religion there is no compulsion”, did the like to them and to Hindus, and put to death apostates from Islam. For centuries, such rivalries led to torrents of blood. Was this a good God at work? Tantum religio potuit suadere malorum, the Roman poet Lucretius had written: that’s where superstition leads. It was no disproof of clerical logic, but it was a reasonable point.

And in time reason began to take a hand. God, OK, but less mumbo-jumbo, said a platoon of English “deists” in the early 18th century; we can reach him without revelation, let alone incense. This was a risky step, as French and German thinkers were soon to prove. If human reason was so powerful, did man need God? No, said Enlightened men like Diderot (to be silenced, but not convinced, when the mathematician Euler told him “a + bⁿ over n = x, donc Dieu existe”). The French revolution buried God, albeit Napoleon soon dug him out.

Darwin did not help, blowing apart the first book of the Bible. Nor did critical 19th-century German micro-examination of what was left. Still less did men like Marx, who saw the close links between the ruling class and the ruling churches, and was eager to blow up both; come the 20th century, the Soviet Union did so, literally. Religion was the opium of the people, give them the adrenalin of communism instead. God was dead, as Nietzsche had announced; and even if the superman Nietzsche envisaged to replace him somehow never got born, communist man could do it.

Trouble was, communist man didn’t; the people did not agree; and the corpse just wouldn’t lie down. He popped up in the oddest places. “You don’t find many atheists in a landing-craft heading for Normandy,” recorded a padre aboard one such in June 1944; even though the Almighty was about to let many of their joint flock be turned into fish-food. A French journalist, no less, was ready in the 1960s with the best possible evidence, if it was true: a book entitled “God exists, I have met him”. (Or could it have been “her”, as even the current pope was heard to hint recently?)

And this was in the cynical, questioning, anti-authoritarian West. Ever fewer westerners share the church’s—or the synagogue’s—beliefs, and far fewer still attend their services. Yet outside the rarefied world of thinkers, remarkably few deny the possibility of a supreme being; less than 10% of Americans. In Muslim and Hindu societies, the thought is barely heard.

The test will come on Judgment Day, when man, we are told, will meet his maker. Or will it be God meeting his?

So...I like to oversimplify things too....

Foreign Policy recently had an article criticizing those who are exuberant about greater cooperation between the United States and India, citing that India is NOT a natural fit for the U.S.

Interesting....I didn't think you had to "fit" to engage in relations with each other. I kinda though, according to International Relations 101 (if you want to take a very Bismarkian approach) you engage another country because of shared interests. As I see it, right now, India and the U.S. have many shared interests.

On another point, the article cites that India is not a responsible world power, specifically mentioning "peace-keeping" in Sri Lanka and becoming involved in Bangladesh in 1971, culminating in the Third Indo-Pak War (hmm.....I think in this case I would have been amazed if India HAD NOT become involved....just that little matter that it lies smack-dab in between the two...). And how would she define a "responsible power?" This is lacking in her argument, and really, honestly, what is an American doing defining that? Are we not in Iraq right now?

Anyways, that is just a critique of the first two pages....I could go on. and On. Unfortunately...I have schoolwork.

Communication, Please

So I think today's theme is communication.

Today, I held my first English Conversation Class. It was fun. The two students I had are both spouses to graduate students at Virginia Tech. I felt so invigorated to be surrounded by people who were so eager to learn. I think that is the type of environment I have been missing here the whole time thus far that I have been at Tech: finding people who are excited about learning, just for the sake of learning.

And another side of communication- disputes, arguments, and conflict. It's funny how communication can play such a multi-faceted role in each of these. Communication, or lack thereof, can spur all three of these to occur. Arguments and Disputes, particularly, happen because of what was said, or left unsaid. Opening the channels of communication, if cooler heads prevail, can help diffuse these sitautions. But communication, if tempers run hot, can also worsen an already bad situation. I have a feeling that if people just got the gumption to say what needed to be said in the FIRST place, and not talk around the point or withhold necessary information, this world might be a lot better off than it is now.

Rant done. Schoolwork to be done....sigh....

On a side note, Seby started a blog...go forth and visit!

And I have Rilo Kiley's Accidental Death stuck in my head...check it out.

Poetry

Here's a hint, when you are bored in class, write a poem. At least, that's what I plan to do....it seems to be a bit more productive than scribbling in my notes.

I figured I needed to update this too. Some entries, perhaps, should be coming soon.